Sunday, December 21, 2008

Elections? Kennedys don’t need no stinkin’ elections. The stinking masses must grovel or they will be swatted like bugs

Bored Caroline Kennedy (Schlossberg) wants a Senate seat to play with

If her name were Caroline Schlossberg, her candidacy would be a joke.

History is repeating itself - and this time it’s even more farcical than in 1962, when Eddie McCormack, the state attorney general, uttered his famous put-down of then-29-year-old playboy Ted Kennedy:

“If your name were Edward Moore, your candidacy would be a joke.”

The difference between Massachusetts 1962 and New York 2008 is that Teddy had to run for the office. Forty-six years later, his niece Caroline expects - no, demands - to have a Senate seat handed to her, on a silver platter.

Elections? Kennedys don’t need no stinkin’ elections.

Apparently the U.S. doesn’t have a Senate anymore. We have a House of Lords. Instead of seats, we have peerages.

By now everyone has noticed that all the media hags who were so bent out of shape about Sarah Palin’s alleged lack of experience are touting Caroline’s deep hands-on credentials as . . . honorary chairman of the American Ballet Theater.

Not chairman, mind you. Honorary chairman.

Imagine a petulant, spoiled, rich 8-year-old dropped off with her dissipated relatives for the weekend. Imagine her plaintive cry:

“Uncle Teddy! I’m bored!”

At least out in Illinois, Jesse Jackson Jr. was pressured to pony up $1.5 million for his appointment to a Senate seat. Caroline wanted it the way her family always gets things: on the arm. If this is how they run things in Albany now, give me the Chicago way any day.

I’m sure she’ll be a reliable vote for higher taxes. Kennedys always are, except for when it comes to paying their own, especially estate taxes. Do as they say, not as they do. As Leona Helmsley used to say: Taxes are for little people.

Apparently, so is voting. Caroline’s got better things to do than stand in line at some sweaty precinct with the hoi polloi, enduring the foul breath of the plebeians.

She gets the seat, of course. Her main opponent is the state attorney general, scion of a lesser political dynasty. Andrew Cuomo happens to be the ex-husband of Caroline’s cousin, Kerry Kennedy. In a nice twist, Kerry has been making the case for her cousin on TV: “She’s a mother and a woman!” And you thought Caroline had no qualifications.

“We live in a country where one out of every five girls is sexually assaulted by the time she’s 21.”

Is this a good talking point for any Kennedy, male or female?

Here’s a bit more from Kerry:

“She hasn’t sought money . . . she hasn’t sought fame.” No, all she wants is a crummy Senate seat. The chumps in Congress say it shouldn’t be handed to her? Don’t they know who Caroline is?

Uncle Teddy! She’s bored!