Thursday, May 28, 2009

The Gospel of 2009

And it came to pass in the Age of Insanity, that the sheeple of the land called America, having lost their founding principals, their personal morals, their work initiative and their will to defend their liberties, chose as their Supreme Leader that person known as 'The One'.

He emerged from the vapors with a political message that had no meaning; but, He hypnotized the sheeple telling them: "I am sent to save you. My lack of experience, my questionable ethics, my monstrous ego and my association with evil doers are of no consequence. For I shall save you with a new Gospel of Hope called 'Change'. Go, therefore, and proclaim throughout the land that he who preceded me is evil, that he has defiled the nation, and that all he and his kind before him have built must be destroyed."

And the sheeple rejoiced blindly, for even though they knew not what 'The One' would do, He had promised that He would bring 'Change'. And they believed.
And 'The One' said, "Envy is bad." And they believed.
"We live in the greatest country in the world. Help me Change everything that has made it the envy of all other nations!"
And the sheeple said, "Hallelujah!! Envy is bad, Change is good!"
Then, He said, "We are going to tax the rich fat-cats for they have more than they need."
And the sheeple said "Hallelujah!! Fat-cats are bad! Change is good!"

And then, He said, "Redistribution of wealth is good for everybody"
And the sheeple bleated, "Hallelujah!! Redistribution of wealth is good!"
And Joe, the plumber asked, "Are you kidding me? You're going to steal the money I earned and give it to the deadbeats??"
And the sheeple cried, "He owns his business; he's a Fat-cat. Tax the Fat-cat!"
And 'The One' and his network scribes ridiculed and taunted him, and Joe's personal records were hacked, publicized and, although no crime could be found, his good name was slandered.

Then, one independent scribe said, "This shouldn't be. The One' has a Marxist policy!" And she was banished from His kingdom's scribe corps, forever!
A mere citizen asked, "With no foreign relations experience, and no military experience or knowledge, how will you deal with radical terrorists?"
And 'The One' said, "I shall sit with them and talk kindly to them and show them how nice we really are; and they will forget that they ever wanted to kill us all!"
And, throughout the world, Terrorists laughed at such naïveté; calling it the "weakness of little girls".

But, the sheeple cried, "Hallelujah!! We are safe at last, and we can beat our weapons into free cars and IPods for all the people!"
Then, 'The One' proclaimed, "I shall give 95% of you lower taxes."
And a single, lone voice said, "But, 48% of us don't pay ANY taxes, now."
So, 'The One' said, "Then, I shall give you some of the taxes the fat-cats pay!"
And the sheeple said, "Hallelujah!! Show us the money!"

Then, 'The One' said, "I shall tax your Capital Gains when you sell your homes!" And the sheeple yawned and the already slumping housing market fully collapsed.
"And, I shall tax the estates of people who die, for they have no need of any wealth. And I shall tax the pensions and retirement plans of the elderly, for they have fewer needs than the younger, productive citizens."
"But," protested a few million older, but not senile, citizens who helped build the nation. "We can barely pay our medical costs now!"
And He said, "I shall mandate employer-funded health care for EVERY worker and raise the minimum wage, and lower the white collar wage. And I shall also give every person unlimited healthcare and medicine and even transportation to the free clinics."
And the sheeple said, "Give me some of that!"
And, one small voice said, "How can you pay for all of that?"
And, 'The One' said, "I shall tax the corporations and the fat cats. Furthermore," He announced, "I shall penalize employers who ship jobs overseas."
And the sheeple said, "Where's my rebate check?"

'The One' continued prompting, "I shall bankrupt the evil coal industry, and perhaps even the oil industry with a Cap & Trade/Carbon Tax. And even though electricity rates will skyrocket, we soon build wind farms and solar power stations and you will drive little green cars that I shall order the factories in Detroit to build!"
And the sheeple said, "Coal is dirty, coal is evil, no more coal! What was that part about higher electric rates?"

'The One' assured the sheeple, saying, "Do not worry. If your federal rebate ($10/week) isn't enough to cover your extra expenses ($3,000/year), we shall bail you out. Just sign up with ACORN and your troubles are over! Only the fat cats will have to pay."
Then, He said, "20 million Illegal immigrants feel scorned and slighted. I will grant them - and their parents, and their children and relatives - amnesty, and Social Security, free education, free lunches, free medical care, bi-lingual signs and guaranteed housing. That way, they will feel obligated to vote for me, and we can totally change this evil country."
And the sheeple said, "Hallelujah!!" And they made him King!

And so it came to pass that employers, faced with upward spiraling costs and ever-higher taxes, were forced to raise their prices. And, verily, they sold much less of their products and had to lay off workers. Others simply gave up and went out of business, as the economy sank like unto a rock dropped into a river. The banking industry was destroyed. Manufacturing slowed to a crawl. And more of the sheeple were without a means of support... except for minorities and illegal aliens who had government entitlements.

And, as prophesized by the Oracle called 'History', His socialist and fascist policies failed. Still, 'The One' continued to blame the prior administration, extended unemployment benefits to a full year, bailed out his favorite banks, and then took over the banks and auto industries created by the initiative of private enterprise.

Using the muffled media as a weekly platform he proclaimed, "I am 'The One' - The Messiah - I'm here to save you! We shall just print more money so the government will have enough! Surely nine trillion dollars will make everyone happy."
And immediately the Fed complied and the money presses roared. And China reconsidered their trillion dollars of loans to the US, and threatened to call in their debts!
Other foreign trading partners said unto 'The One', "Wait a minute. Your dollar is not worth a pile of camel dung! As your dollar becomes worth less, you will have to pay more for everything."
And the sheeple said, "Wait a minute... That is unfair!!"
And the world said, "Neither are these other idiotic programs you have embraced! Lo, you have become a Socio-fascist state and a second-rate power. What factories are not owned by your government are now owned by us. Now you shall play by our rules!"
And 'The One' said "Our enemies are right, Americans are arrogant, divisive, and derisive!We will listen to the third-world countries who owe their very existence to our largess and generous foreign aid. Clearly, we must give them more."
And the sheeple cried out, "Alas, alas!! What evil hath we wroth? This is the devil in sheep's clothing."

But, yea verily, it was too late.
The muffled media soon discovered that they, too, were owned by the state and had lost all of their pressly freedoms. The once mighty nation was no more; and the once proud people were without sustenance or shelter or hope. And the Change that 'The One' had given them was as like unto a poison that had destroyed them from within. Like a whirlwind the Change had consumed all that they and their forefathers had sacrificed to build.

And the people beat their chests in despair and cried out in anguish, "Give us back our nation, our Constitution, our pride and our hope!!" People eventually set upon 'The One' and spat upon him and vilified him, and his name was dung.

But, it was too late, and the once-glorious "Home of the Brave and Land of the Free" was no more